REVIEW OF ADOPTEE MEMOIR, WORTHY TO BE FOUND, BY DEANNA DOSS SHRODES:

Deanna Doss Shrodes, a writer, pastor and adoptee in Florida has recently written a memoir about her relationship with her birth family, specifically her birth mother, whom she found in the early 1990s. She shares her account of the search and reunion stages with candor, feeling and humor. The title of her book is: Worthy to be Found.

One, (of many), important points Shrodes makes in her writing is that every adoptee's experience is unique, and what works for one person or family doesn't always work for another. For Deanna, her connection to faith and the support system of her husband and children have kept her grounded and serve as reminders that no matter what happened in the past or what happens in the future, she is loved.

Another significant concept Deanna Shrodes addresses is the notion of worthiness. Many folks representing the adoption constellation, (biological parents, adoptees and even adoptive parents), struggle with feelings of low self-esteem. This is usually due to perceived expectations of society regarding conception, and how we conduct our personal and family life. Adoption may be an option, but it isn't "traditional" for forming a family, and some members of the triad can feel stigmatized and frustrated by unanswered questions, physical limitations and assumptions sometimes made by non-adopted people.  

In Worthy to be Found, everyone involved has value, regardless of past actions, familial status and abilities. There are "good" and "bad" people everywhere, but it has nothing to do with the adoption process. Everyone has worth. This memoir is a great reminder of that.

Adoptee Survival Guide Review:

Adoptee Survival Guide Review:

This book isn’t just about how to survive being adopted and overwhelmed by government policies and archaic traditions and practices.  It’s more than that. This compilation of essays is a collective wisdom of many adopted adults from diverse countries, upbringings and educational experiences. These writers together share their personal views on the positive and not-so-positive aspects of growing up adopted and how they view the world. Many nuggets of advice are applicable to all people from any walk of life. For example:  

"You are not your past.”

“Focus on the issues, not the person, because you can never change the person, but you can deal with the issues.”

“Give up the illusion that someone else will make you happy.”

The Adoptee Survival Guide is appropriately titled because by nature, we adopted folk have mad skills in self preservation and adaptation.  Like a chameleon, we blend in when we need to, move quickly, observe quietly and have delicate hearts with cool dispositions.  However, unlike a tiny lizard, this book shows that Adoptees today are learning to bond together, speak out and educate the modern public on what it's like to grow up as a product of both nature and nurture with conflicting feelings and unanswered questions about our lives, which non-adopted people often take for granted.  

The diverse writings in this book are honest, entertaining and enlightening as they address a subject not often discussed or well-understood in this society.  The Adoptee Survival Guide eliminates the labels adopted people have been assigned, such as "happy", "grateful" and "angry". If anything, it shows that adopted adults today strive to be known as inquisitive, educated, outspoken and reflective.  

I am proud to be a contributing author in this unique anthology, which is fantastic reading for all members of the adoption constellation plus associated family members, professionals in social work, family court systems, education and other areas of child care and development.